You know this sem is so fucking horrible to me.
It's April for god's sake, my favorite month, the most meaningful month for me.
And guess what? I get shits being thrown at my face again.
Cannot drop subject.
Extra classes (on a day in which I do not have any classes)
Extra catching up upon the syllabus
Rush assignments
Waste more money on transport + waiting like a fucking fool for the train/bus to come
fuck my life so hard right now.
I want to quit college. Go
Spend all my money on the boys.
Rather than paying to get stress, shits and face fucked-up humans.
Really, I'm only 19 you know. Scratch that, there's 24 more days till I officially turn 19.
I'm just like any teenager, trying my best not to fail in my studies. Wanting to be a good student, as well as being a nice person + fangirling. It's not easy.
But due to the irresponsibility and lack of management from my awful lecturer, I have to suffer the consequences of constant stress, daily rage and three bloody fucking months of tearing up.
Do you think I enjoy cursing and throwing tantrums?
Do you think I enjoy crying because of stress?
Do you think it's fun to constrain all my wrath and then explode them on the wrong person?
Do you think it's fun to be wasting time, doing stupid things trying to score a fucking A in the subject?
Do you really think I enjoy staying up late, facing the computer trying to destroy my eyesight just to finish up my reports and distort my health?
Do you really think it's such a fucking bliss to be staying up all night, getting only 3 hours of sleep and then rushing like some mad cow trying to finish up assignments and trying hard to gain an A?
I'm tired. My mind, soul and body. I am no robot.
I have feelings. I have emotions. I have a fucking life to live.
I think I should go for some anger management + emotion management counseling.
I'm furious with everything that is happening right now.
I can't cope up with all these stupidity. I was okay before because I thought everything would turn out right, I trusted you. But then you threw more shits at my face.
Wow, I mean really, wow. I thought 2011 was supposed to be a good year for me, but I guess not.
Nothing seems to fall into places ever since February. My life is turned upside down thanks to ONE particular bastard.
Sure, everybody knows my wrath. They asked me to chill.
But they should know, being a Taurus (aka the BULL in the horoscope), we are reckless. Bulls get mad easily, everyone knows that. Bulls go attacking when people disturb them.
Chill? How the fuck you want me to chill? Are you willing to fetch me from Klang to campus? Are you willing to fetch me back as well? Are you willing to stay up night until 5am to hear my rants and help me do my assignments? You don't know my personal life and the problems I face, so you shouldn't be asking me to chill. Yes, we're all in this together but unlike you, I have my own personal problems to deal with, not only this shit that happened to all us, so don't fucking ask me to chill.
It's a good thing that I haven even cut the faces of those people who ruined my mood in the past two months.
I'm really ready to cut your faces if you try being funny with me. Please watch out, I have terrible anger management and I really don't know what I will do if I explode. I don't want to kill, but if you keep pushing it to my face, I'll make sure that YOU suffer.
if I could fly to Taiwan just to see you, I will.
To see your smile, to hear your voice, to see you perform, to see you enjoying your life, to put a smile on your face. I would do anything I could just to see your smile and face once again.
Okay, done ranting ♥