`每次你痛苦委屈, 为你会把泪擦去`
The translation for both phrases basically means that `when you're facing hardship, i will wipe away your tears.`
If, and only if, there is one......
and the phrases are taken from the same part of my blog song, where there is a korean version and a chinese version. it's amazing how lyrics of a song can make you so weak and want or rather, wish for the impossible.
frankly speaking, i hope my tear duct dries up.
that way, maybe i'll be the one wiping away tears of hardships of my beloveds, rather than craving for my personal guardian angel to appear in my life and for once, show me that life has not lost its meaning yet.
and it's really rather pathetic for me to still crave for guardian after my previous post of....somewhat emotional breakdown. because in the end, i still have to go through this hardship by myself, wiping my own tears and still wishing for there to be something i can hold onto in life. to believe in.
maybe, i'm still having a hard time accepting my adulthood.
to become an adulthood, the overwhelming pressure bestowed upon you, the responsibilities you have to carry out, the decisions you have to make without guidance, and to be the one guiding for the times to come.
i was never a good leader of my own life, how else would i lead others?
i miss being a child. i miss being pampered. i miss having my life organized and planned for me. i miss having people i could rely and trust upon leading me. i miss....so many things. irony, as we speak so very often, of how one would wish so hard for them to grow up as fast as they can so that there would be no more controlling of their life and how one that has gotten their wish of growing up, silently and mostly wishing for them to be a child again for they can't handle controlling their own life.
i'm going to put this emotional breakdown on the cause of having period, because i can :)
well, i doubt anyone reads my blog anymore unless i link it out, and i hope those of you who stumbles upon my blog, especially who wishes to grow up and be an adult, well don't. enjoy the youth you are going through, go to school, complain about teachers and boring subjects, gossip like every other person would do, fight with your friends, hate on the famous cliques, crush on people, cheat during exam, and every other high school prodigy there is to be done, do it. and appreciate those moments.
because the moment you are awaken from the perfect world of rebellion, where there would always be someone there to fix the shits you have created, you'd wish to have stayed in that moment and not be awaken.
you might think i am exaggerating and bullshitting, and most importantly, who the hell am i for you to take my advice? well, i'm a nobody. take it or leave it, up to you. everyone will grow, that i would not argue for i cannot reverse the life cycle of nature but if i could, i would give in anything to be a child again. to be protected, to be polished by my guardians and just enjoy the plans and controlling in my life. of course, i'm still young. but the moment you are no longer labelled as a child or teenager, everything around you becomes different. people's perception and expectations upon you, people judging even faster and people will try to bring you down. cruel society i would say.
The last day of my examination, i managed to snap a picture of the 3 pieces of paper that would determine my future, so i would label them. i would definitely, want to depend upon these papers again. thus, my decision has been half made :)